A Public Diary During the Coronavirus/COVID-19 Pandemic ~ Day 92
Black Trans Lives Matter
the demonstration chant rings clear
among the many call and responses
this one has moved me more than most
Yelling this out, along with thousands of folks
marching in the streets sends a palpable energy
that has carried winds of change straight towards justice
as the Supreme Court took positive actions on this very day
It may still prove to be a scenario that will eventually require
we burn it all to the ground, metaphorically speaking of course,
oppressive institutions and our constitution are on the chopping block.
For now though, encouraging transformations are here for
trans folx and Black, Indigenous, and People of Color
this is a human rights uprising that is unlike anything
anyone has ever seen before and it shows no signs of stopping
Are you ready to rise?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What is taking place now in real time is almost unreal. Here we are, June 15th, the year 2020 and there has been 19 days of sustained protesting and an uprising that has spread across this country and around the world. Do you recall seeing anything like this before? No, that isn’t possible, for there has never been such a display of sustained, massive solidarity. And all while this inconvenient global pandemic still burdens us with its presence. We see crises everywhere, there is nowhere to hide from them and no one is immune from experiencing some of the repercussions of their presence. Everything is always connected though more now than ever before does is seem evident that we can link a lot of the consequences that we are reaping to systemic issues of greed, fear, violence, and oppression.
We can chose to try and tune it out, stick our heads in the sand, cover our ears and la la la laaaaa until we are blue in the face but there is no denying that we are at a pivotal tipping point on so many levels and each of us has at least some degree of responsibility in this mess and some decisions to make as to how we are going to participate in it moving forward. It’s fucking terrifying and exciting as hell. An interesting aside, my nephew just turned 21 today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!) and I realized that he was just 2 years old when 9/11 happened meaning he was alive for that event but has no memory of it and he is now a grown person. An adult as it were. A young one no doubt, but nevertheless a man who can vote, drink alcohol legally in public, and all that stuff that marks that particular passage in our journey through life, and he has no recollection of that last most notable moment in this place folks audaciously call ‘America’. I realize the 2008–9 shit show was significant and indeed, I was on the streets for the Occupy movement back then here in Portland but that was nothing like what we’re dealing with today, nor as potent as what happened on 9/11, psychologically and collectively speaking.
The Great Recession was a potential pivotal point for transformation, of which at the time it was happening I was absolutely certain it was going down, and I was pretty damn ready, and then we all got lulled back into whatever the fuck you call this pacified normalcy (and complacency) of this thinly veiled ‘democratic and free consumerist country’ that has a dark and insidious underbelly fueled by a plutocracy that will be looked back upon as some of the most vile humans and organizations to ever roam this earth. We managed to tuck the white supremacy trope under the rug for Obama’s eight years and for all intents and purposes, again on the surface, from outside observations, everything seemed reasonably okay. But that isn’t exactly true is it? The homeless issues have become a pandemic of their own and the racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, and all that awful shit was still present if you were to only open your eyes honestly enough to see it.
So where we find ourself today is, to use a popular word these days, unprecedented in oh so many ways. This is a great reckoning. And I find it to be quite encouraging. Fuck the fear that sticks its head out when I consider what could happen if the militarized police forces really in earnest start to wield their violent ways on our citizenry. That’s a scary thought but if it has to come to that for us to get past this bullshit then that is what it is and will be what it will be. I don’t wish for that to take place, not at all in fact. Though what is coming, what is here, what is on the horizon is this collective sustained movement that is slowly and yet swiftly coalescing to bring true fundamental and systemic changes to our civilization and I support that. I am not a fan of violence. I find it despicable and do not condone it. And the civil unrest that is a part of this upraising that has lead to the destruction of property and things of that nature, I understand is simply a part of the process that comes our in individual and shared rage as we confront the forces of these violent institutions.
Ah, I write these words once again rather exhausted. Deeply frustrated and conflicted about where to focus my energy in many ways. I have this class I’m trying to finish which I dislike immensely, managerial accounting, something I despise right now and cannot find the words to express just how much I do not like it. But I have a goal and an objective to finish this Business Management degree so that I can have those credentials to wave around to the parts of the world that still give a shit about that kind of stuff. And yes, some of the education I’m actively receiving I believe will be of benefit to me down the road. But oh my do I not like so many elements of our modern economic systems and ways we do business in this day and age.
And in addition to trying to focus on this schooling, there is this family that I love who I am sharing this journey with as well. My parents-in-law have been here with us for four weeks and are heading back down to LA tomorrow. That is wild and also something I’m a bit sad about because I really enjoy their presence here. So does our son, a great deal in fact. It will be hard for him to transition for a couple of days here I’m sure. Beyond this, I yearn to get back out on the streets and be present for this incredible uprising taking place before our eyes. I do what I can to refrain from the use of the word ‘history’ as believe, as others do, that this word and language plays a role in the perpetuation of the patriarchal narration. With that noted, this moment is one that the future will look back on, in our story (not his-story). And I know, it comes from the greek word historia and Herodotous is considered the “father of history” and all that shit, but anyways, our story of this here present point on the Gregorian (another old white dude btw) calendar, will be one of those significantly more prominent years that will mark a before and after of pretty damn epic proportions. And now I’ve gone and used ‘epic’ to describe something. I’m sorry for that. I really am. Let’s chalk that up to my fatigue and exhaustion. That’s some lazy writing but I’m just trying to hold it together at this point so please bare with me here. Thank you kindly.
Well, yeah, I was doing my damndest today to stay focused on school and did so for a short while but eventually found myself in a near panic attack and fit of rage at how much I didn’t want to be taking a mock test on fucking managerial accounting. All these stupid formulas and shit I just don’t want to be learning about right now, but have to in order to pass this required class in my degree program. So I shall quite whining now and suck it up and get through that damn class as soon as possible here. My goodness is it tough to focus on it though. I just can’t stop thinking about how to support the movement that is happening.
There’s so much information coming in each day now as well which makes it mighty hard to try and keep up with it all. I’d love to just be dedicating several hours to investigating the goings on of this movement and being of service to it in any and every way possible. And I still manage to do this on some levels but not nearly as much as I’d like to be doing. That’s okay, I’ll keep at it and find my balance and groove with family responsibilities, school responsibilities, and keeping that one foot out the door and often planted on the streets as we collectively rise up together while being asked to you know, stay six feet apart from one another if we can. That whole part of this uprising makes things quite interesting and rather difficult in some respects yet the mutual aid and support that is out there, in spite of, and in part because of the virus and the pandemic, people are coming together and sharing time, resources, and actions to support the typically marginalized and regularly disregarded aspects of our shared humanity and community.
Alrighty, I’m gone and done that slipping in and out of sleep thing again. It’s time to get to bed. My personal self care is requiring some attention and I have to be mindful I don’t start some bad sleeping habits. And anyone who has made it to these words, I send you love and gratitude to you for your journey. Be here now and be well…
