A Public Diary During the Coronavirus/COVID-19 Pandemic ~ Day 71
Eyes open. Cold shower through
sipping on my morning cup o’ Joe
enjoying a quiet post sunrise scroll
thumb swipe exploring what’s new
soon it will be time for yoga
Routine and habit,
patterns made and broken
shaping our situations
that make up our life
Imbalances and hardship come
along with pain and struggle
regardless of our mindful rhythms
or level of diligence we practice
for we all exercise a futile effort
to arrive at a space of control
Although futility is our reality in this regard,
we still have the ability to live in acceptance
a place that can provide one with a sense of grace,
a form of peace, a subtle yet powerful surrender
Perhaps this is the best we can hope for
we most certainly can do oh so much worse
When we slip into this state of presence
where the in breath and out align
the ease of our waking life can flow
in a graceful fashion which is… divine
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Another day in the life of one human’s perspective from this global pandemic. It’s Monday, May 25th in the year 2020. The weather is turning, slowly towards that sweet spot of sunshine and ideal temperatures. It’s actually going to get downright hot though in a couple days again. These past many have been intermittent grey, rain, and sunshine and that can be rather trying to some. Me too sometimes I suppose. It’s quite fascinating to see how powerful the weather can be in shaping peoples moods and energies. Mine included. We can get different things out of the same weather as well. Taking a walk in the rain can actually be quite nourishing and at the same time, it could be a downright miserable experience.
Life is beyond comprehension for me. Not my own life, or, well, maybe my own life too, but I’m talking about how vastly different it seems that this life, or the projected interpretations of what this reality is for each and everyone of us human animals. Who knows if there is more of a shared reality for other species. Maybe there is. We are so limited in the scope of knowing our own journey’s that to really get a grasp on any other beings out side of human beings is quite a difficult task. We peel things apart and put them back together in scientific ways to try and make sense of things but even our best efforts at this do not provide a sense of universally accepted understandings.
I’m looking at these bright orange calendula flowers outside the window right now. Writing these words from my daughters room which has been our yoga space as well since my parents-in-law have been here and are staying in the back house. I’ve been doing schoolwork, well, trying to do schoolwork from here at least. I’ve also done a little bit of podcasting from this space as well. I must admit, my daughter’sh room is a really nice space in this house. One of the nicest we’ve got. She is not here to enjoy it as she has been at her mom’s for a great long while now through this pandemic. The 8 or 9 days of it she stayed here was a blessing and I am so glad to have had them to share with her. Now it is unclear when we’ll be in a shared space for any sort of extended period of time again. Such is our reality right now.
Yesterday we did have my mom come over and spend some time with us in the backyard, that was nice. It’s gotten much less awkward to hang out in this way. It’s still super bizarre but I think we did a good job of being comfortable-ish together while making sure to stay an adequate distance apart. Not like what is going on in the lake of the Ozarks though, all I’ve got to say is whoa, they are playing a dicey game of not social distancing and it will be interesting (terrifying?) to see how that plays out a couple weeks down the road. There was an article I had read which had pictures and videos of bars and pool parties and these resorts that were packed to the brim with party goers. I guess we really all are taking this pandemic situation differently. The consequences of which will quite likely sadly play out in mass sickness and death that could have been avoided.
This is by far the strangest time period of my lived experiences on this plane of existence. It’s always been strange and made little sense to me, the way humanity operates on this planet, but now, well right now I’m absolutely fucking blown away at how portions of our human family are choosing to play this game. Not to mention the horrendous efforts, or lack there of, to support the native nations across the US that are suffering disproportionately with COVID-19 infection rates, like so many oppressed demographics in this country.
Me oh my are we in some strange and often quite troubling times. It’s Memorial Day here in this country as well. This is a mixed feeling holiday for me. I have a decent amount of family who have served in the military, some still closely connected with it to this day. I still marvel at that time when I was 23 or 25 and actually got damn close to enlisting myself. What a trippy thought, to think how close I got. I even went in and took the ASVAB, which qualified me to enlist within any branch I cared to pursue, I had tested twice above the score needed to get into most positions/units or whatever they’re called. They even said that although my legal record wasn’t quite copacetic, they would be able to clear any barriers if I were indeed going to sign on the dotted line.
It was an intriguing prospect in a time of if not absolute desperation for me, it was at least a point of potentially taking some drastic ass measures to try and get ahead. I think the theory at the time for me, and my then girlfriend I lived with (along with her 10 year old son), was that this could be a way for me to get a decent education for “free” and for us to travel the world. It seems ridiculous looking back thinking we were actually entertaining this, that I was actually entertaining this. I am, and always have been opposed to war right to the center of my core. I know the challenge of it all enticed me. It scared the hell out of me, too. I put the kibosh on this potential trajectory in rather short order after going in for that test.
In some alternate universe and storyline that Joe is now a high ranking official, deep into the military industrial complex that I passionately do not support, constantly conflicted as I daily navigate ways to change the system from within.
Well, I tip my hat to those who have fought and died, fought and lost a part of themselves, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I honor the paths all have taken being in service to something I don’t agree with. Now, if we could only take all that military might and focused energy and cooperation and put it towards ecological restoration and environmentally sustainable innovations. That would be an organization I’d happily jump into and work my way towards the helm of, or rather, work towards being in a collaborative position of leadership with others in a structure that functions outside of hierarchy. I’m totally in support of something like this. That was in fact what Jim Channon and the New Earth Army was/is all about, that was another trajectory I dabbled in back in the day.
My father-in-laws father died at the battle of the bulge, he was still just a toddler when this happened. He was a college educated man with enormous potential who decided to enlist from some sort of patriotic, or perhaps other less clear reason, which is still speculated about. Regardless that plays a prominent role in his journey and through it, my wife’s as well. Between that and her mother being a holocaust survivor, our family has deep connections to the costs and ugliness of what war brings. So much pain, trauma, DNA level damage that carries on through the generations. For what?
The time has come for me to wrap this up. I’m poised to go to sleep tonight earlier than I have in ages. I am very excited about this. My neck is still tweaked and while I did manage to take it fairly easy today, I still may have moved it more than was necessary. Alas, I shall release all the tension I can as I slumber and welcome my magical body to do the healing that is needed to be done. And to all of our historical injuries and trauma, whether or not connected to war, I send out wishes of healing. Healing, acceptance, and forgiveness. We make terrible mistakes sometimes, often even. Then, one day, we die. No matter the level of “good” or “bad” we participated in, that is our eventual ending point for this human journey on this planet. We all make mistakes and I’m certain each of us does things we live to regret. I sure as shit have plenty of those in my memory banks. And I’ve done some extremely vulnerable work to reckon with and confront these wounds, inflicted on others and myself. I am not sure we can do much more than that. Well, we can do our damndest not to repeat the things we had to forgive ourselves for I suppose. Beyond this though, let us take it easy on ourselves and each other to the best of our abilities. Doesn’t that sound nice?
